Chapter 0: A Story of a Common Man
I find myself with free time in a small place in a large country that is not my own. As such I have had time to reflect on the changes that I have undergone these past many years and with a clarity that hindsight provides. I have tackled each situation and kept a hard bound journal to match it, but the piecing of the whole story gives it a new perspective.
For many years I loved the stories of men and women overcoming incredible odds and scaling mountains or walking on the moon. But these are not ordinary people like you and I. These people fill the lecture circuit and we never will. But I have come to recognize and love the story of the ordinary person overcoming their own challenges in life. I don't much care for generals of war or business anymore. I only see heroes in ordinary people faced with life and making their own difficult decisions.
I will present my story without an agenda, without guile. I mean no disrespect for religious beliefs and people who I mention, of course all names omitted. The truth will always hurt an impure heart. I will bare my own soul and my shortcomings in the process. But as grandma says "It's a pretty thin pancake with only one side." That side is this story.
Before I jump into the story, a bit of why this came to be. This should probably be in its own post, but I don't want a bazillion posts and have no idea how this will end up. There are a few spoilers, but so be it.
I left my country to visit my kids who are living with my ex-wife and her husband. I was to be here for only 2 months, thru to christmas 2004. Its now spring 2005 and decisions I made came to a head this week. I determined to spend as much time with my kids, pursue a old world art form, keep a respectful distance to the ex and her husband and not pursue friendships here. I have been here and done that before and it suited me here. I had recently left the city of my birth (but not my childhood), education, marriage and the birth of my 3 kids, the last being in my home. I'd returned to the city I grew up in, by the ocean on an island that I dearly love where my parents and siblings live. It was there my heart was set - the music, the people, the mountains, the water and familiarity. Not here.
As such, I unwittingly entered an isolation I had not anticipated and it has wore me down, causing me to reflect on how I got here. Today I went and spent the day with someone and I realized how much I missed adult company. Realizing a change was needed I determined to write down my story that has been stewing for a few years and make other changes before I embark on another journey of changing where I am emotionally. One has to appreciate the past to enjoy the future. Appreciate not dwell, the water has flowed.
It is a story of love, betrayal (don't they hold hands?), family, depression, religion, spirituality, search for meaning, sex, exploration, death, life and community. It is my story.
For many years I loved the stories of men and women overcoming incredible odds and scaling mountains or walking on the moon. But these are not ordinary people like you and I. These people fill the lecture circuit and we never will. But I have come to recognize and love the story of the ordinary person overcoming their own challenges in life. I don't much care for generals of war or business anymore. I only see heroes in ordinary people faced with life and making their own difficult decisions.
I will present my story without an agenda, without guile. I mean no disrespect for religious beliefs and people who I mention, of course all names omitted. The truth will always hurt an impure heart. I will bare my own soul and my shortcomings in the process. But as grandma says "It's a pretty thin pancake with only one side." That side is this story.
Before I jump into the story, a bit of why this came to be. This should probably be in its own post, but I don't want a bazillion posts and have no idea how this will end up. There are a few spoilers, but so be it.
I left my country to visit my kids who are living with my ex-wife and her husband. I was to be here for only 2 months, thru to christmas 2004. Its now spring 2005 and decisions I made came to a head this week. I determined to spend as much time with my kids, pursue a old world art form, keep a respectful distance to the ex and her husband and not pursue friendships here. I have been here and done that before and it suited me here. I had recently left the city of my birth (but not my childhood), education, marriage and the birth of my 3 kids, the last being in my home. I'd returned to the city I grew up in, by the ocean on an island that I dearly love where my parents and siblings live. It was there my heart was set - the music, the people, the mountains, the water and familiarity. Not here.
As such, I unwittingly entered an isolation I had not anticipated and it has wore me down, causing me to reflect on how I got here. Today I went and spent the day with someone and I realized how much I missed adult company. Realizing a change was needed I determined to write down my story that has been stewing for a few years and make other changes before I embark on another journey of changing where I am emotionally. One has to appreciate the past to enjoy the future. Appreciate not dwell, the water has flowed.
It is a story of love, betrayal (don't they hold hands?), family, depression, religion, spirituality, search for meaning, sex, exploration, death, life and community. It is my story.
posted by cs at 11:42 PM
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